Your friend knew how hard that week was for you. They said they’d be there to help you move house. They weren’t, and three days later a text arrived: “So sorry, crazy week!” with a heart emoji at the end.
You wrote back, “No worries!” But you have worried, on and off, ever since.
This is how many of us carry hurt from the past, as it does not always show on the outside but comes out in small ways. You begin to notice who reaches out first, your tone towards the person becomes less warm than it used to be, and sometimes, you find yourself replaying the conversation you never had.
What you are holding on to is often more than what happened, as it is also about what you believe the other person still owes you: a sincere apology, an acknowledgement of how much they hurt you, or a genuine effort to make things right.
Here is where things get difficult: how do we let go of what someone owes us when the hurt is real and the person may never make things right? Paul points us in the right direction in Colossians 3:13, where he says:
“Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
He does not say we should forgive only when someone deserves it or when we feel ready, but rather that we should forgive others in the same way the Lord has forgiven us.
So, how did the Lord forgive you? Christ did not wait for you to show enough remorse or ask you to pay back what you owed little by little before forgiving you. Earlier in the same letter, Paul explains that God cancelled the record of our debt and nailed it to the cross (Colossians 2:13-14). The debt was not simply forgotten or ignored; someone paid the price for it.
That is what forgiveness costs, and it explains why forgiving someone can feel like losing something. When you decide to let go of what the person owes you, you accept that you may never get what you believe you deserve, you aren’t covering it from your own supply because you are giving to others what God has already given to you.
You were owed an apology, but you were not entitled to God’s forgiveness either, yet He cancelled your debt. Let His example help you find the grace to let go of what others owe you.
Personal Application: Think of one person who has hurt you and write down in one sentence what you believe they owe you. Then pray and hand that debt over to God as a way of choosing to let it go, and tear up the paper as a reminder of your decision to close their account.
